Tomorrow we will go to an assessment to see if you are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm feeling a lot of things tonight, and when I feel, I need to write and get it off my chest.
I look at you, and I see such a beautiful boy.
Your blonde hair and blue eyes, your cheeky smile and your caring, loving, playful nature.
I think of when I held you for the first time, and I was blown away with the responsibility of being a mother, at the same time thrilled at the privilege of being your Mama.
To me, you were absolutely perfect.
Since being referred to the paediatrician after the health nurse saw signs of ASD, I've felt many emotions. Fear, sadness, guilt, concern, worry...
But I've never stopped thinking that you are perfect. Made by a perfect God with a perfect plan.
Unique, special and a sweetheart.
Tomorrow we might be told that you do have ASD. We might not.
You might have a lot more energy than others.
You might have trouble listening, understanding and complying.
You might be a little different in some ways.
But I love you, and I always will.
You'll always be my perfect, sweet little boy.
You will always be special.
Not because of a label, or because you are different.
But because you are mine, and you are perfectly, fearfully, wonderfully made by God.
Mama xxx
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